A Blog - of sorts, news & mostly passing thoughts....

It is from this place that I seek to share and yet, even with the best intentions at heart, sometimes eloquence evades, the tongue gets cut, & letters of the alphabet stumble about in the roof of my mouth trying to form audible sounds.  As a woman who makes her living from speaking other people's words, I find it ironic that my own tend to get stuck & I often find writing my prefered way to express the inner depths.  Handwritten letters from loved ones have always been the way to my heart.  There's something about the presence of someone's handwriting in the palm of my hand that is like a warm hug. For me, if distance resides between us, it's the pinnacle of quality time spent together. I take delight in writing letters too - they are a lost but treasured art. 

Having been encouraged to put pen to paper & write a blog for years, it is only now that I find myself flitting my fingers across this keyboard in a hope that what tumbles onto this screen may inspire & ignite others when they find themselves lost for words ... September 2017  (back to contents)

When the ocean rages how do we still ourselves? How do we, like Jesus, learn to rest in the storm? When our mind is full of thoughts, we are restless and concerned, what does it mean when God says “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). How do we make that practical to our lives?

During the wilds of 2020, as the world ground to a halt, I was prompted by the spirit one morning with the question: ‘Who are you going to be in this time; Mary or Martha?’ (Luke 10:38-42) People who know me will tell you, ‘Nat’s spirit brings a calmness but she rarely sits still, always on the wriggle’. A busy brain is the cause and yet, my answer was surprisingly easy. I found great comfort in resting at Jesus’ feet, seeking nothing other than being in his peace. In fact I craved my morning time with him. It’s at his feet where we find rest in the being known.

I have also never been one for the restrictions of religion and, at this time, had begun a journey into the mysticism and the intimacy that surrounds a relationship with the I AM, with Adonai. Two dear friends, neither of whom knew I was on this journey into the mystery of God, had randomly (or not so random if God is involved) recommended a podcast by Mystic James Finley and the book ‘The Universal Christ’ - Richard Rohr.

One of the things James Finley spoke of was resting in God’s love. I paraphrase, but his teaching went something like this: ‘We can’t fit the ocean into a thimble but we can drop the thimble into the ocean and so it is with us and God.  His love is expansive as an ocean and we, like thimbles, try to squeeze his love into us! It’s an impossible task, the magnitude of his love is incomprehensible;  ‘May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God’. Ephesians 3:19. So, if we can’t fit all of his love into us, we can place ourselves into his love and be completely enveloped’.

James then invited the listener to sit in this space uninterrupted and to be in God’s love; not in effort for the outcome but to simply be present.  As we settled and became present to our breath, he led us through a short contemplative meditation, repeating the lines as follows and, on the last line, dropping into the peace around us and to remain there for as long as was comfortable.

Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know that I am
Be still and Know
Be still
Be…

This practice has been something I have come back to regularly. It slows me down and it accepts me.

When we give ourselves permission to be, it means we can trust in him, rest in his goodness. We can be assured of his confidence in us and have an unwavering confidence in Him to be with us. How do we know this? We can stand on His word because God has said ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you’ (Joshua 1:5 and Hebrews 13:5). From here, as we begin to stand on this truth,  I believe He begins to work in us and to give us peace. He provides life giving strategies to the things on our mind and solutions to face each day knowing He is with us and for us. It’s important to note, when scripture speaks of not fearing, it is not necessarily saying you will be released from your cares but as James Finley states, as you rest in the ocean of his love it will be a release ‘from the internal confusion or restlessness.’

Jesus was aware of the storm and He also knew within whose love he rested. It’s a perfect love that casts out all fear (1 John 4:18), it’s a love that accepts our internal being over our external doing. … April 2024 (back to contents)

Waiting…we wait in queues. We wait for the mail. We wait at restaurants. We wait at platforms, at stations, at airports…we wait. Sure waiting can be annoying, but somehow we sustain these waits, albeit it with various thresholds of patience. We do so because we know there is certainty at the end of it and, even if that train is cancelled, we know we’ll manage, we will get home somehow. So what about those unknown waits? The desires of your heart that you seek to be fulfilled, yet decades later, you’re still in the queue? I’m not talking material desires, but the deep human heart desires, the ones with no arrival time. How do we prevent the longing turning to resentment, complacency, a lack of hope, a despondency towards God?

Christians love to bandy around half bits of scripture and in doing so we sometimes miss the full story and more importantly the hope. I remember years ago, a woman walking up to me and saying ‘I saw you and heard ‘hope deferred makes the heart sick’. I was a young believer, and at the time she was right, my heart had recently been broken by a misplaced hope. She set upon prophesying over me great words of encouragement and accuracy into an area of my life she knew nothing about as she didn't know me. Her words rooted deep into my heart that I can still remember them today. I can still remember them today because they are still roots, no visible signs of life.

The hope of that desire has cracked my heart wide open but I don’t see any sign of life in this area of my life … yet. In fact, what I have experienced since that prophecy is a decade of disappointment, delay, destruction, resistance and absolute absurdity in this particular area of my life. I shan’t lie, sometimes I feel like I’m the brunt of God’s joke. I often quip, I could write a comedy from the absurdities of my life. Except it’s not a comedy it’s my life and with that has come great pain. The most beautiful part of my character has come under cruel attacks, it has left me gasping for breath and indeed hope. There are times I can tell myself, the greatest triumphs come from the deepest pain, the best heroines rise triumphant from battlefields not meadows. But I have also rallied at God, and at times distanced myself from Christians and their well meaning platitudes. As time goes on, the hope wains and the pain of longing groans deeper.

Cynthia Occelli writes “For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”

Recently I was talking to a brother of mine. His life is so far removed from my situation that the best he can do is listen, and he does that with the kindness of Jesus. I was talking to him about the resistance in this area of my life, and that I had been studying Proverbs 13:12. Being a man who knows scripture I asked him if he knew what follows after ‘Hope deferred has made the heart sick?’ he said he did not. “Well” I told him “it goes on to say ‘a desire fulfilled is a Tree of Life’ and what tree did God say we could eat from? The tree of life. Therefore, because of Jesus, hope deferred is not my portion.” Jesus died on a tree, a tree that symbolised original sin; the tree of knowledge of Good and evil. Jesus dying therefore broke the curse of hope deferred.

So what does that mean for me and those of you still waiting for desires yet fulfilled? Well for me, I began identifying myself in the second part of that scripture because that’s where Jesus dwells. Don’t be mistaken, I still ache, I still long but something is shifting internally by simply knowing the second part of the scripture; the second part of the 2 line story. And Jesus is the ultimate second part of the story. Hope deferred entered the world when we chose to go our own way and to see things through our own perspective. Hope deferred looks like a full stop, the end of the verse, the chapter, the book, the story. However, read on and we see that God has a better ending. Our lives don’t end in the Old Testament - they are renewed in the New. We are restored back into relationship and grafted like branches onto the Tree of Life.

According to legend, the Chinese bamboo tree takes five years to grow. During the first four years, it barely grows at all, staying underground and seemingly doing nothing. It is only in the fifth year that the bamboo tree suddenly shoots up, growing as much as 80 feet in just six weeks. If you’re not in the know of how the bamboo grows it would be reasonable to wonder if anything is going to come of it in the first 4 years of seemingly nothing.

I like to believe those seeds of prophecy the lady spoke have not been destroyed through hope deferred but have been cracked wide open and growing roots amidst the seeming chaos and nothing visible. Roots that have grown so deep in the secret places of my heart, my relationship with God (which includes the wrestle) in order to support what is going to burst forth when the promise is fulfilled. As we all know ‘big tree = deep roots’, So take faith if you’re still waiting. That Dream fulfilled is going to be such a mighty tree of life and, as I remember the lady prophecied, ‘When He arrives , it will seem like it’s too good to be true, but he will be true as he’s Gods and he’s from God’… So celebrate the art of patience, being still and knowing ‘He is God’ and in the knowing that something beautiful is being grown in the wait - you just can’t see it - yet - but just like the bamboo, it’s growing and it’s going to be beautiful - hallelujah, praise the lamb and Amen … April 2024 (back to contents)

Imagine, standing in front of those who are set to expose, humiliate and ultimately condemn you and then imagine the sound, as one by one, the stones held ready to kill you, drop from the accusers hands to the floor beside their feet. A plea for mercy answered, bewildered you stand, set free…

There are 2 stories in the bible that have been wrecking me recently. These stories speak of earthly judgement versus kingdom mercy. Perhaps these stories resonate so deeply because I’ve experienced the sting of judgement & hypocrisy, it’s what kept me away from anything to do with church for most of my life. However, my own encounter with God set me on an opposite path to religion, towards one marked with love and relationship.

Since May of this year, I’ve been developing a project with some young men in an HMP Young Offenders Unit and these 2 stories haven’t left me alone. The woman with the alabaster jar that she breaks over Jesus’ feet and is scorned for it (Matthew 26:6-13, Mark 14:3-9, Luke 7:37-49, John 12:1-8 ) and the lady who is caught in adultery and who the Pharisees drag out to stone (John 8:3-11). Both times, the woman is exposed, humiliated, judged and condemned by those who do not understand the way of grace. However, each time grace steps in and covers her, protects her, aligns her to the truth of who she is. That grace is recognised in Jesus. My experience of his love, his heart for the one overwhelms me.

The young men I spend time with are now serving time for things they have got involved with. They are acutely aware of their circumstances and what led them there. Many people outside believe they deserve to waste away in prison for what they’ve done. That’s not my truth. I believe everyone deserves the same level of redemption and opportunity for change as we expect for ourselves when we fall short and miss our mark.

Yesterday in the prison a visiting Mentor, Mervyn Mensah, spoke to the young men of the masks we often wear to protect ourselves from truly being seen. Sometimes we also put masks on other people based on our opinion of them. Intentional or otherwise, we condemn them without walking with them.

I appreciate not everyone reading this believes in God or Jesus for that matter. That’s not really the point. The point is no matter where you are or what you’ve done, no matter what shame you carry or judgement that’s been made over your life, that’s not the final chapter of your story.

There’s an invitation to step into grace, it’s time to unmask yourself and one another. To walk free from who others say you are based on what you’ve done and walk into the full expression of who you were created to be; Flawless, priceless, significant. Your life is a legacy waiting to happen … October 2018 (back to contents)

The human body is an incredible creation of ingenuity, beauty and ability. If only we fully understood the intricate complexity of it, perhaps we’d take better care of it and, equally, think kinder towards ourselves.

We queue around the corner for the next i-phone, coveting its high spec definition. We spend hundreds on the accessories to personalise it, protect it not realising that the human body – our body - is perhaps one of the most intelligent, intricate and capable design feats of all time. It comes in many different shapes and sizes, is fine tuned to work at just the right capacity at all times. It knows to feel, to empathise, it is truly unique and, with precision, made.  Why then, when our bodies will be with us from the moment we take our first breath to the moment we breath our last, do we often treat them with less regard then a small screen that sits in our pocket and will be replaced in 18 months’ time?  Why are we so hard on it, despise it, speak low of it, in some cases abuse it? When the battery runs flat on our phone we panic and yet, we’re the first to often neglect our body of sleep – those essential recharging hours necessary to keep it performing at its peak. We overload our memories, don’t clear the cache, erase the history, feed it with mindless images, poor nutrition and leave it to its own devices on the rat race of life. Then, perhaps exhausted and depleted, we pull out the illuminated screen from our pockets begin to scroll the pages of social media, devouring images of bodies that have been sculpted into one aesthetic acceptability – Adonis.  Instagram, Facebook, twitter; the 21st century oracles and just as the oracle has spoken, we pull our tired body from out under the covers, join a gym, push to the extreme, snap our reflection filter it, simply to get one more ‘heart‘ in our likes. One more affirmation.  But what about your heart? What’s really going on with that? Have we stopped to ask ourselves, to sit with it, to be vulnerable and listen?

This week is mental health week and while the above scenario is generalised, I’m sure each of us can resonate with at least one element; The hustle, the affirmation, post trauma, the empty quest to fill a void only wholeness can, the exhaustion.

As someone who spent her adolescence and early twenties battling with her own mental and physical well-being, and having recently qualified as a Personal Trainer, I am acutely aware of the emotional traumas and pressures that people face and the extreme lengths they go to, in order to numb their mental well-being in pursuit of ‘happiness’. I’m sure therein lies an oxymoron.

I was 15 when I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and admitted to an adolescent unit of a psychiatric hospital where I would spend the next 6 months under 24-hour observation and unable to leave my bed without an escort. I won’t go into the details of my stay or the onset of the illness but suffice as to say I became institutionalised and for the next 5 years I would be admitted several times to different hospitals. While the still small voice of me was screaming on the inside, Anorexia had suffocated the sound, swallowed me whole and absorbed my self-worth and identity. I became a statistic with a not too promising future. In fact, at 26KG I wasn’t expected to survive and if I did it was predicted my health wouldn’t be great. Aged 19, little more than bones and with the threat of being hospitalised again, this time under a section of the Mental Health Act, that small voice finally spoke. It said it would fight to live and fight we did.  The illness and recovery were long – another 10 years, frustrating and painful for all involved – particularly my friends and family, as I’m sure anyone who has experience of recovering from mental illness can also testify. However, several years after my recovery, I met a medical professional who took a case study of my medical history. Upon noting my journey, she settled down her pen, looked up at me and said, ‘It’s a miracle you are here and in the good health you are.’ I didn’t take these words lightly they surprised me - Seldom do we realise, when we are in the thick of it, just how ill we were. I rang my mum afterwards, who confirmed what the doctor said.  I don’t share this to bask in any glory, far from it.  I write this now as someone who has survived and made a full recovery to encourage those who may be on their journey or know someone who is, to keep going.  Don’t lose faith and don’t lose hope. There are people like me who may never know you who believe in you, who champion you. There are many more, qualified to listen, to offer professional support. It’s at these times that the little illuminated screen in your pocket becomes one of the most important tools you have in your armour to conquer the war the mind likes to wage with you. Dial that number, make that call, talk and let your heart be heard. It deserves to be heard, your heart listened to and your pursuit of happiness found in your personal well-being... October 2018 (back to contents)

Recording an audio bible has been a personal project close to my heart and a long time in the making so I am delighted to be able to share it with you now to download Internationally and to order as a CD in the US and UK.

When I left California and returned to London I discovered that a female voiced audio bible is as rare as stumbling upon a unicorn.  I decided to right this wrong and contacted Brian Simmons' whose Passion Translation returns to the original Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek manuscripts to reignite the beauty and poetry that is sometimes lost in modern translations.  I shared my vision of voicing Brian's translation and, together with Broadstreet Publishing, we began a 12 month journey into making a dream an available reality. 

What's makes this journey more poignant is at the end of 2016, a friend asked me to write down all that I hoped to see God do in my life over the course of the next 12 months.  One of the things on the list was 'record an audio bible' - so here, as 2017 draws to a close and in His faithfulness, is Book One; 'Song of Songs'.  Coincidentally, before I was a christian, it was also the first book I ever read in the bible because a pastor told me - it was a book about the fulfilment of sexual intimacy and in my curiosity I wanted to know what on earth he was talking about. 

Whether you read it as two people in love or it speaks to you of Jesus' pursuit of you, it's undeniably elegant and passionate, enduring and wise, the way true love only ever can be ... December 2017 (back to contents)

In japanese philosophy, Kintsugi "golden repair" is the japanese art form of repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, it brings value and worth to the imperfection rather than something to disguise.

Do not be ashamed of your story, your story is what created you. It has defined you, it’s made you and, if you allow it, you and your testimony can be an expression of God’s indelible fingerprint on this earth.

I used to struggle with elements of my experiences, some had left physical 'scars', others left indelible memories. Most of the time I embraced my past but every now and then, on off days, I would get angry that I had experienced what I had and had physical marks that meant even if I'd forgiven and healed I still had markers on my body to remind me of a time that still seemed lost and yet to be fully redeemed. Sometimes this would lead to shame and I would look in the mirror and see the less than spotless history as a woman and a less than perfect reflection as an actress.  I would wonder whose story am I buying in to? My faith and relationship with Jesus is paramount to my identity but woe betide I get anywhere close to religion. Yet here I was buying into the religious condemnation of women and the fickle airbrushed industry I am a part of.  ...hmmmmm.... I needed to start singing a new song over me from a different hymn book ... One day while at ministry school I decided to ask Jesus what he thought of these marks I see every time my photo is taken or someone gets physically close to me and that question would rear it's head 'Am I enough?'  I kid you not what I heard in response was, 'I think they are cute' - far from the adjective I would have chosen.   While at this school, He took me on a journey regarding my past and revealed his perspective which was radiant,  full of hope renewed, courage and a restored identity.  I was recently asked to share my story, the parts that used to make me feel less than qualified and far from redeemed and I found myself struggling to see me in it all. I had to go back to Jesus and ask him for his perspective - his response floored me and reminded me that his thoughts are higher than my thoughts. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9 - if you want to be emboldened continue to the end of the chapter).

I share this as encouragement to all of those who see themselves beyond repair. This quote has done the rounds but it’s true when they say 'God doesn't call the qualified but qualifies those he calls'. He sees the value in your story and He uses ALL what seem like the cracks in your history for your calling and his glory (the gold) to breakthrough. ''And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.’ (Romans 8:28-30)

Your history becomes His story ... November 2017 (back to contents)

What you believe you are is often not who God says you are.  I believe we are all fearfully and wonderfully made and yet circumstances and previous experiences can convince us of anything but the champion that resides within us all. Experiences can leave us jaded, doubting ourselves and battling insecurities that are nots ours to bare.

Questions we ask ourselves:

'Do I measure up?'
'Do I qualify?'
'Am I enough?'

They become self limiting prophecies, keeping us in bondage to our past rather than propelling us into our destiny and calling. As life becomes increasingly non linear, we can often find ourselves battling where we are in life with where society's archetypal standards dictates where we 'ought' to be.

When I stumbled upon proverbs 31:25-26 I was still very new to my faith. I was a fighter who had been bruised and wounded, questioning where my value and identity lay. I was led to this scripture quite by accident (one of those moments when you're idly going about your business when something unexpected smacks you between your eyes and calls for your attention).  As my eyes settled upon these words, it was as if they breathed new life into me.  My circumstances looked far from dignified, my future looked overwhelming and my strength was faltering but God - in his mercy - had the perspective to flip all of that on it's head. 'Nathalie, this is who I say you are'.  It re-awakened the woman who had all been lost by experiences that had seeked to rob her of her strength, her dignity and her joy. 

Did my life change overnight? No. Did my self image suddenly rise from the ashes in a beautiful plume of phoenix feathers? No.  There was still work to be done but these 15 words set my feet upon a solid truth that my circumstances, good or bad, could not.

Herein lies my point. Who I am and who you are isn't based on circumstantial evidence. It's based on the intrinsic truth set within you at the beginning of time.

This is a simple exercise but if game, I invite you to quiet your mind & once you feel yourself settled, ask yourself who you say you are.  If it's self limiting, refrain from chastising but rather forgive yourself for believing this. This may be hard, don't be afraid of tears, sometimes when we recognise a limiting belief we have long held about ourselves it can trigger memories we'd seeked to forget.  When you are ready, ask God (if you don't believe in God then a positive force outside of you) who they say you are and wait for the answer. Perhaps the spirit will lead you to scripture, if not I am confident you will be given a word or an image that will bring life to you. It may take a while to see it but don't worry, sit there in the silence and wait upon it - it will come. 

When it comes, however, hard it may be to believe within your given circumstance, take that word & nurture it with all you have, let it take root so it's truth becomes you...because it is you. For some of you still, this may be hard to accept, but take faith, God is in the business of redeeming stories.  No one who desires it is beyond a testimony that shifts paradigms. Whatever your personal perception is of the bible, it is full of stories of people's lives being turned around. There is a beautiful example of a woman at a well, who is considered a social outcast and yet Jesus breaks with Jewish convention to build a connection with her.  This one encounter changes the trajectory of her life and her testimony continues to impact people today. As pastor TD Jakes says about her legacy 'God could have chosen a politically correct, nice, clean woman, but that's not how grace works...Grace is often painted on the canvas of despair...'

Nothing and no-one is too disgraced, that's a world perspective but it's not the truth, you have been clothed in strength and dignity and are to laugh without fear of the future ... October 2017 (back to contents)

Slowly, slowly the ranch becomes home…

A few days ago, I'd stepped into the woods in search of the sought after ‘secret place’ in which to commune with God (not so secret now I've told you all where I go).  I'll admit I have no problem nonchalantly chatting, sometimes ranting at, but maybe not always speaking with God. The prospect of concerted 1:1 quiet time makes my heart run fast, unanswered questions saddle up for battle, tears pose a threat and I try to find the quickest exit.  However, home alone for the evening, I decided I'd face the fear of God not showing up or worse the flood gates opening and disjointedly stepped into unknown woodland territory. No sooner as I trod into the bracken and plonked myself upon a fallen tree trunk, I found myself expectantly and, I admit, IMPATIENTLY asking him "what do you want to show me?" Anticipating a word to fill my spirit or a forest animal to appear and amaze my affections (a gift I’ve found God often uses to arrest my attention with wonder), the response I received on this occasion was not expected. 

"Do I have to show you something to make my presence known?" ... I was floored and was scrambling for a reply when the God of my understanding pose the invitation “can I just hang out with you?” ‘perfect no talking’ I thought to myself, relieved but I also asked myself ‘did I just hear right?’ God didn't want to amaze me, bewilder me, humour me, challenge me, nor did I have to ask questions, seek wonderment, be faithfully, theologically diligent, or polite, He simply wanted my company, he wanted to hang out ... with me!   As his desire to spend time with me without the dramatic encounters hit home, my heartbeat fell into place. The bewilderment of Him wanting to hang out with me gave way for a silent simplicity and a peace and enjoyment came upon me. There was no startling sunset, or word of great knowledge to take my breath away, no animal came to warm my affection, nor did I have to come with anything but myself. It was reassuring to know I didn't have to talk to him or him me and for us still to be aware of one another. They say 2 people are at their most comfortable when they can hang out with ease without saying a word...maybe we both had just discovered that place.

The next morning, I woke unsettled, and I decided to take myself back to the tree trunk. No sooner had I nestled in, I heard a rustle in the trees. I turned towards the sound as a young stag, leapt over the thicket into view and kicked up the leaves with his dancing hooves. He saw me and stopped head on, tail twitching, hooves gently skipping the earth underfoot. Then he found his courage and leapt towards me and stopped again. This little pas de chat repeated itself a couple more times until we too became one in each other's company; he prancing in the leaves, me inwardly smiling to myself as I think God was too. While God simply asked for my company the day before, today, he couldn't help but show me something that would amaze my affections and let his presence be known.  The spirit then reminded me of a scripture that has vibrated in my heart as I began this venture 'as the deer thirsts for the water so my soul thirsts for you I God' Psalm 42:1. It’s true, just as I was frightened of the quiet place, it was the very place my heart has yearned to dwell for sooooooo long.  God is that romantic, he illustrated to me my heart’s desire that morning in the physical presence of scripture.

Yesterday, I was back perching on my log and heard a distant knocking. It stopped and started and echoed off the trees...A woodpecker! The wood is full of tangled poisoned ivy, sunstripped, knarly trees, snakes and barbed wire that rip your clothes, but my curiosity to seek him outran the deterrent. Into the woods I went in flip flops and a maxi dress.

And there I realised in nature what Kris Valloton had been talking about at school when he spoke of the voice of God and also my hesitance to rest in the secret place. We often can think that in the silence God sadistically teases us and hides things from us when the reality is, he is hiding things for us. He wants to reveal all to those who are hungry to hear his heart and seek it out. Rather than think we are being denied because we haven't heard, perhaps we are to enter the secret place with childlike expectancy. We can replace 'what do you want from me?' with 'what are you hiding for me' and be encountered by him as we seek out His secrets laid hidden in our day. In his presence, he reveals the mysteries and the hidden things. Kris Valloton went on to say ‘God absolutely loves to talk to you. In fact, he wants to talk with you more than you want to listen. The struggle is not that God does not speak; it is that we do not understand the language of God. As you start to learn his language, you will find out that he has been speaking all the time-perhaps you just did not recognise it' ... The knocking, the drawing of my attention to his presence. (ahahahahahha the Woodpecker). Moses chose to turn aside, towards the burning bush and in that moment God spoke (Exodus 3) , and as we turn our ears to the spirit within us - which is His spirit as He placed it there, (Galatians 4:6-7), His voice will speak louder than the white noise that so often deafens us.

Over the next 10 months, I would find myself wandering out onto the ranch in search of peace and would find myself where the the deer would come to dwell, be it among the trees or along the waters edge. I have since found deer to be a reminder of His presence, and will often go to seek them out.

‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.’ Matthew 7:7-8.

When you are seeking God’s voice, do not be deterred by obstacles, or discouraged by the silence, lean into the silence, for it is in the silence you are invited to just hang out, to be you, to be with Jesus. BE… In the stillness, in the place he draws you to, away from the crowds. In this hiding place; He will encounter you and give you vision, assignments, peace, His assurance. Jesus often slid away to be with His Father, and we are invited to join him … September 2016 (back to contents)